Words that don't exist but should

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AQUADEXTROUS - adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathroom faucet on and off with your toes.

 

CARPERPETUATION - n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

 

DISCONFECT - v. To sterilize a piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow "remove" all the germs.

 

ELBONICS - n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater (airplane).

 

FRUST - n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keep backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

 

LACTOMANGULATION - n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the "illegal" side.

 

PEPPIER - n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

 

PHONESIA - n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

 

PUPKUS - n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

 

TELECRASTINATION - n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.